I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
