Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
