Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
