This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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