morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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