You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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