C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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