So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
