mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
