he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
