i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
