OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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