he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
