piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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