I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
