Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
