Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
