I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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