My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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