Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
