i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
