it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
