god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
