people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
