It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
