I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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