We're like a lot better than the average bears
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
