Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
