Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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