you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
