I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
