Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
