It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
