Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
