i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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