I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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