yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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