so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
