my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i believe in u and ur pee
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
