i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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