FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
