i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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