I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize