my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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