I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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