Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
