so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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