The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
