how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
