Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
