im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
