its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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