Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
