This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize