Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
