so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
