i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize