There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
