My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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