I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
