im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
