I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize