I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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