Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
