I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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