I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize